GAME OF THRONES (yeah, i know, the picture already told you that)

My experience with the phenomenon GOT (Games of Thrones for the ones like me who don’t know where that acronym comes from)

Good, welcome to the lands of unknown facts and too many spoilers about this fucked up show everyone is so obsessed with.

I’m writing this down now because I know, from the no. 1 fans of this show that the next episode is coming out in 2019, and everyone have seen it already (if not, sorry)

So… Games of thrones!

Millions of fans, millions of dollars, millions of hours filming, millions of characters no one bothers to remember their name coz they die too soon. Brilliant.

Everything clear until now? Sure.

I was contaminated by these games a long time ago, I admit, but I never actually seen it until recent (last year).

When I think about it at some point in my life I thought “Games of thrones” are actually games… played to gain… a massive, impressive, uncomfortable throne.  It’s not about that (or I didn’t understand the little things I thought I knew) …

Ok, now…

The fact that I was thinking about it as some weird ancient games came from the big plot twist I had with Hunger Games (I thought this one was a Monopoly game or something). My bad.

Last year was the year of GOT, because THE ENTIRE internet and ALL my friends were talking about it and that Jon Snow, and what he did, what happened and why it happened. They were talking, trying to understand, talking more, fighting over it and the internet was trolling everything and writing more terrible stories and theories about what this show truly is… or hides.

I broke down.

I found out that there were dragons involved and I’m a big fan of dragons, so I was thinking; if Smaug and Toothless were cool, this one will be even cooler based on the popularity it has.

No one told me I had to wait 7 seasons to see the dragons. -_-

Fine, I decided I was going to watch this show.

All good and one night I opened my laptop, I got something sweet to eat and I was watching the intro of the first episode of this massive phenomenon. Kind of exciting.

(P.S. I hate it, the intro)

Episode 1. Let the fun begin!

Some weird creatures, a forest, winter, soldiers, ancient atmosphere. Ok…

A dead man, a trip back to that forest, puppies ❤ (fine wolves -_-), Jon Snow (the only character I knew, from memes that tells us he know nothing)

The puppies are BEAUTIFUL and they’re for every child of this little king named Stark, and a white one for Snow (really, he’s names Snow and you give him a white one? How predictable is that?)

Ok, pretty nice until this point. I mean we have puppies, I like it.

Everything changes, some royal ass people are coming to this castle. A chubby (fat, he was definitely fat) king (short, old and weird hobbit looking guy), his sassy wife (blonde, tall, intimidating woman – I hate her), her brother (blonde, tall, handsome guy – reminds me of Prince Charming from Shrek) and the royal ass sassy motherfucker son (a creature darker than the depths of Mordor and more annoying than the scratching of a blackboard with long pointy nails when you have a hearing aid at the maximum in your perfect healthy ears – blonde, ugly as shit and probably gay) and some other characters I wasn’t paying attention to.

This fatty is a friend of Stark (btw, he’s taller than this royal ass king, with pretty long hair and a king more likely features). They’re relationship is very cute, they support each other, they respect each other, things that are telling me that their past was involving Stark saving the life of this nameless king (I didn’t bother remembering his name either)

Good.

This Stark guy has 4 children, 2 girls and 2 boys. A very tomboy little girl (7-10 years old, I think), who’s interesting in fighting and saving her father’s life, clever and talented with the sword, she hates the sassy gay prince (I fucking love this one), another older girl (13-15 years old I think) who’s dumb as shit, in love with the sassy, ass lover, prince, who does… nothing,  a little boy (5 years old, I think) a surprising fella and another older son (unknown age or anything else about him).

Glad I cleared that up.

So… some things are going on, not sure what, too many characters, talking about war and shit, not my area.

At some point, out of nowhere, at the end of the first episode, the little boy (5 year one) climbs a tower of his own castle, on his own, with his puppy waiting for him down (talented young man).

He enters a window to see the

HORRIFIYING… BROTHER AND SISTER, QUEEN AND … HER BROTHER,

HAVING SEX!!!

WTF GEORGE MARTIN???

They notice the little boy, they stop and the man, almost naked

PUSHES THE CHILD OFF THE TOWER!!!

Episode 2

This one’s pretty ^_^ pretty fucked up.

This one’s about Daenerys (I took that from the internet because I don’t know how to spell her name) a beautiful white-haired girl with blue eyes and her evil almost good-looking brother who forces her to marry a two-legged beast who doesn’t speak English (like me) for the riches his tribe possesses.

I tell you “this is about her” because it’s the part of the episode that caught my attention.

So… this girl is fragile, innocent, sweet, confused and she has to live with a brutal, all muscle, big, intimidating man who RAPES her every damn night.

“She is visibly distraught and in pain during intimate relations with the Khal. In order to feel more in control of her marital life, she asks one of her handmaidens, former courtesan Doreah, to teach her how to please her new husband.” Wikipedia makes everything so cute and harmless.

She was FREAKING CRIYNG AND SCREAMING EVERYTIME THAT MONSTER PUT HIS PENIS INSIDE HER, I’m pretty sure out of 2 holes she has one now!!

And she does all that to revenge her dead family because that what her EVIL ALMOST GOOD-LOOKING BROTHER told her before this weird, creepy wedding. The man was so full of hatred and lust that he told her little sister that he is open to let her be FUCKED BY THE ENTIRE ARMY AND THE HORSES OF THE KNIGHT so he could be a king, with a pretty king crown and full of himself. Despicable.

I was speachless, but I said OK… watching on…

Back at the castle the tomboy girl is out playing with a friend, by the lake, where her sister is too and their puppies. They’re playing or something when the sassy gay prince is showing, wanting to impress the dumb girl. The little one gets upset for some reason I wasn’t clever enough to remember and attacks the prince with a sword, the prince dodges and it’s about to strike her with his sword, but her dog bites his hand or something (it was a scratch, he was weeping like a little girl whose blanket was taken away from her, pussy). This tiny incident, made the royal incest ass mother and queen to force Stark to KILL one of the puppies!

I HATE YOU GEORGE MARTIN!!

Episode 3

Talking, talking, talking, talking, boobs, sword fighting, boobs, lessons, porn, sister fighting, nothing interesting

 

Episode 4

Talking, talking, horse riding, boobs, baths, boobs again, old people, old books, tournament, blood, people dead, nothing interesting here either

Episode 5

Another day in paradise.

The episode starts with a tournament. Yeyy, action.

A good-looking Harry Style guy participates in a tournament with a monkey (ugly ass dude). He wins somehow and the monkey CUTS THE HEARD OF HIS HORSE. WTF, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???

What have that horse done, that terrible, for you to cut off his head in a moment of anger?????

The monkey kills the horse, fights with another knight and runs off! What?

Porn, porn, porn, violence, violent porn, boobs, naked characters, chasing a cat, hearing a scheme, being ignored by the father when she’s trying to warn him about the scheme, being unrecognized by the guards that you are the tomboy. In another kingdom a kid at 7 still breastfeed by the mother ON THE THRONE.

2 gay men SHAVING each other, naked in a privet room. Careful with those nipples there, pal.

Marvelous.

Episode 6

This one’s cute because the almost good-looking brother dies.

Talking, talking, nothing important, Daenerys eats a row heart to impress her husband, a minion confessed his crimes to the mother of 7 years old still breastfeed, fight, swords, words, a romantic moment between the dumb girl and the sassy annoying little brat prince – giving her gifts and shit. Ugh.

Aaaaaaaand ladies and gentleman (no one’s reading this, I know, but it makes me feel better) the moment you all have waited for… the dead of a brat good-looking, white-haired rat!

He is threatening his sister in front of her beast husband, demanding the crown he desperately wants and he gets… the most expensive and beautiful crown of a fool. The muscled beast

POURS HOT SILVER OF HIS PRETTY HEAD!!!! :O

YOU COOL SOMETIMES GEORGE MARTIN.

Episode 7

Yuhuuuu, another one.

Starting with skinning a…. 4 legged animal, a reindeer? Are you serious? Why? And it’s such a long scene, Ew, stop it, NO!!

Porn, lesbians, teaching porn to 2 lesbians, wtf, talking, people, monologues, too long boring scenes, an attempt to poison Daenerys, rituals, weird rituals, the best friend of Stark – the fat king gets ill, the sassy motherfucker son becomes king, Stark it’s attacked.

 What the hell it’s going on in this show?

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